How Self Help Books Changed my Life Dramatically
Self help books certainly changed my life for the better, but can they do the same for you? Many people are continually searching for the magic fix by exploring self-help books and self-help therapies.
And, believe me, this industry is massive, with sales of self-help books reaching record levels as stressed-out people turn to celebrities and Internet gurus for advice on how to cope with the current uncertain times.
Self Help can be Self Defeating
But many people believe that the self-help industry promotes an unattainable way of life that is out of the reach of the average person. Steve Maraboli said that if self-help books were to teach genuine coping strategies, they would put themselves out of business. I tend to agree with this statement but think that there are various reasons why these books, and other strategies, sometimes don’t work.
I think the main reason that they don’t work is that no amount of information can help you bring about change in your life if you don’t actually do something. The advice and information found in self-help books is often wonderful, and can be very uplifting. But unless you’re motivated enough to do something with it, it doesn’t amount to anything more than entertainment.
Self Help Seminars
I have attended many seminars delivered by self-help gurus and have listened to attendees raving about how epic the information was and how it was going to help them to change/improve/grow etc. I have never seen one of them change one little bit!
So before we get to why I believe that self-help changed my life, let’s have a look at why the self-help industry is worth so much. If you look at the article ‘10 Richest Self-Help Gurus’ on TheRichest.com you’ll find the net worth of the top eight earners in this industry and begin to understand why it’s worth millions worldwide:
- Tony Robbins - $480 Million
- Deepak Chopra - $80 Million
- Paul McKenna - $55 Million
- Laura Schlessinger - $40 Million
- Jack Canfield - $25 Million
- Zig Ziglar - $15 Million
- Eckhart Tolle - $15 Million
- Jay McGraw - $12.5 Million.
You’ll also see that the industry is considered to be ‘recession proof’ and continues to grow despite being unregulated and marred by public scandal. I won’t go into all the public scandals. That’s not what this article is about, but you can read it here.
Self Help Gurus Like Hype
Now all these people are successful because they’re motivational and they tend to rev their audience up with a very fast-paced delivery, clapping, jumping up and down, telling jokes and generally putting on a great show.
As a result the audience leaves feeling all fired up and raring to change. But, unfortunately, this doesn’t last. Although they know that they need to take control of their lives, they get back to the hum-drum of everyday life and slowly go back to their old ways. Many will be inspired to buy self-help books and attempt to re-kindle the feeling of euphoria – but it generally doesn’t work.
‘Minds are like flowers, they only open when the time is right.’ ~ Stephen Richards
In other words, if you’re ready for change, and the time is right, it will happen. But what else is needed?
What exactly is Self Help?
Self-help means doing a job yourself without the expectation of help from anyone else. That’s my definition, but a better one is from my Longman Dictionary of the English Language which tells us that self-help is ‘the action or an instance of improving or helping oneself without dependence on others’.
Although people will very often lend you a hand, you can’t always rely on them for assistance. That’s why being able to help yourself is so important. Furthermore, if you have the right self-help material with the necessary tools, or complete an appropriate course on what you plan to do, you will no doubt find a way of achieving your goal. It takes focus and concentration and, more often than not, hard work.
Don’t under-estimate the usefulness of being able to do things yourself. Besides, from a personal point of view, the ability to rely on your own devices can change you from being a person who is nervous, full of doubt and lacking in self-confidence to one who is brimming with confidence.
My Story of How Self Help Books Changed my Life
I was always a very shy and retiring child. I had a difficult childhood, being much younger than my siblings. And I remember, from a young age, watching my mother being carried off in an ambulance muttering that she was dying and was unlikely to be back.
Mum always returned after a short while as right as rain. I understand now that she was never a very happy person and that she was frustrated by my father who, with hindsight, was very withdrawn and incapable of showing her love. He was a bit mean with money and didn’t give gifts or receive them graciously. Despite his faults, he was a wonderful man and we adored each other!
Women Often Marry Like their Father
It is said that women often marry like their father. And when it came time for me to marry, that’s exactly what I did – marry exactly the same type of man as my father was. He was a lovely man, totally dependable, rather boring and not able to show love or affection. After over 20 years of marriage and having brought two beautiful children into the world, I realised that I had grown and he hadn’t. I needed more from life and I decided that it was time to find it. This is where my journey with self-help books and alternative therapies began. I studied every book and signed up for every course that I could find, and slowly but surely began to carve a path for my future.
Now my transition wasn’t an overnight wonder. I had always gone along with what other people wanted of me and, although I was no longer shy, I never really expressed strong opinions. You see, in the 1980’s life coaching had only just started with the American financial planner Thomas Leonard, who is generally acknowledged as the first person to develop coaching as a profession. It really was a matter of self-help in the true sense, and it took years for me to grow into what I am today, someone who is able to help other people to undergo change.
How Can I help You?
I’m no Tony Robbins, and I wouldn’t want to be as I don’t believe in all the hype. If I were to try and emulate anyone it would be someone such as the late Wayne Dyer whom I always thought was much more down-to-earth and believable.
However, it seems that even he was not completely honest as there were various claims that he had plagiarised bits from other works for his extremely popular books.
Deepak Chopra the ‘new age guru’ has an understated delivery and is revered by many. But even he’s come in for his fair share of criticism online, and more specifically in connection with his Twitter feed.
Well, this brings me back to my usual mantra which is ‘Everything in moderation, including moderation.’ ~ Oscar Wilde. So, in other words, take it slowly, read everything but be wary of whom you trust and consider always what their motives are.
Coaching with Compassion and Integrity
I pride myself in coming from a place of compassion and integrity when coaching members or writing courses and content. All my work is written with you in mind and everything that I study is aimed at enriching the lives of others. The work that I do means everything to me and I believe that it can be of tremendous benefit to you.
You don’t need to spend thousands on gurus, mastermind groups, success courses in exotic locations, or big bucks on one-on-one coaching to transform your life. But a little help wouldn’t go amiss when you’re learning to:
- Be disciplined
- Improve little by little every day
- Be kind and loving to yourself
- Be honest about the areas that you need to change.
You have to accept that you’re doing the best job that you can with the information that you have. I’m here to provide reliable information that works and to help you stay on track throughout your journey. And it certainly won’t cost you a fortune!
Can Self Help Books be Harmful?
If you do a Google search you’ll find plenty of pages that say that self-help can be harmful. One even stated that ‘All sleazy self-help gurus must die’. I thought this was a bit extreme but would agree that at times self-help certainly can be harmful. While many people have been influenced by self-help books and videos in a positive way, there are unfortunately a good many would-be ‘self-helpers’ who have had negative experiences.
This is usually because the book, video, or course you buy is used as a delaying tactic - and you have no intention of ever using the information. You need to understand that the mere act of doing something like reading a book or watching a video shouldn’t make you feel as if you’ve made a whole lot of progress.
This is akin to taking the trouble to buy a pair of running shoes and then thinking you’ve already run a marathon. In fact, you’ve really accomplished nothing at all. So don’t give yourself a gold star just yet.
Rather wait until you’ve accomplished something definite before you indulge yourself by watching another video course or reading another self-help book.
Using self-help as some kind of delaying tactic, even if it’s done subconsciously and unintentionally, is nothing more than an act of self-destruction.
Is the Self Help Industry a Fraud?
There is a widespread belief that the self-help industry, and everyone in it, are frauds. I would tend to disagree with this for the following reasons:
- Many of the articles stating this are actually written by life coaches etc. trying to attract your attention with a flashy headline;
- I do believe that there are many excellent and qualified people, both famous and not so famous, out there waiting to help you.
Unfortunately there are just as many unqualified people offering their opinions and services. One of the good things about the Internet is that all kinds of people from all over the world can contribute information on any manner of subjects. Regrettably, one of the negative things about the Internet is that just as many people can contribute misinformation.
It does happen that people portray themselves as being experts in a particular field so that they can get large numbers of visitors to their sites. But excellent and qualified coaches invest a tremendous amount of time and money into providing reliable self-help information as well.
Check for Credibility and Integrity
‘An expert knows all the right answers – if you ask the right questions.’ ~ Levi Strauss (1828-1902) German-American manufacturer of blue jeans
Unfortunately the world is full of charlatans who dispense false or inaccurate information to enrich themselves. And for every charlatan there are hundreds of gullible people, who will happily hand over their hard-earned cash. The trick is not to follow advice or information that is based on little or no evidence whatsoever, and which is offered by frauds or imposters who lack the necessary credibility or authority to dispense it.
Don’t always take what you read or hear at face value. Then, when you put what you have read or heard into effect, you should decide if it’s right for you and the job at hand.
If it doesn’t work for you, or make any sense, then find and make contact with a true ‘expert’ in the particular field, a person with credibility and integrity.